I have been quite distracted with an unexpected number of troubles with believers for the last few weeks. It should not be underestimated how many people will strike at you for not conforming and refusing to be silent. It was still surprising. With family there were misunderstandings to be cleared up. With my old pastor there was a snub and refusal to discuss minor points of his public teaching. And a friend caused me a great deal of pain. An atheist who strangely judges me for speaking out about my views. But I guess we all have our difficult times and judgement can arise from anywhere.
Perhaps this is the best way for me to proceed, then, is to lay out the most significant issues to be aware of as one comes to question religion. Besides the fact that people will get upset, that is. Let's begin with this;
1 - They Have No Authority Over You
Religious people may seem lovey dovey at first but one of the very first things they will do is begin to establish a sense of authority over you. It is rarely spoken of openly but it is essential for any religious movement in order to maintain control over it's members. This was brought to mind by the "I'll pray for you" response from the man most responsible for the internal torments of my childhood this week. So why would he not discuss basic issues around his most repeated and publicly condemning messages? Like most religious leaders he is actually not used to being challenged. There is no need to explain beyond the rules of dogma because they have already instituted a system of religious authority. He resorted to asking if i was a good believer "right with God" and then refused any further discussion.
In other words, if you ask too many questions they accuse you of being unfaithful or even blasphemous. Notice that this is an excellent way to never apply rational examination to any belief or explain why these beliefs are healthy, let alone true.
As in my situation, they often use the "love you" language while side-stepping your questions and demeaning your value as a fellow human being just as capable of intelligent thought and just as entitled to good reasons for beliefs. Especially if you have been a participant in, or raised under their religious institution, you have every right to some answers. If they will not give them, the answer is that they disregard your value as a fellow human being.
I suggest the following;
-Try to remain calm, but do not use timid language. You are equals.
(I called my old minister on using blatantly deceptive misinformation on his public blog, and informed him that without further explanation I would have to consider it to be lying)
-Do not accept their statements that you are defying religious authority as substitution for real explanations.
-Don't let them side track the discussion. Always be prepared to bring it back to your question.
-Do not harass. If they are uncooperative, eventually you need to walk away. It isn't worth it.
-Be prepared. Do your own reading and research before this confrontation. These people can be very convincing and at times belligerent.
-Probably best to do 1 on 1. No good being overwhelmed by their numbers. It's the discussion that is important. The issues.
Remember, you are not alone. The questions you are asking are very healthy and can only lead to better knowledge and understanding.
Be good. Do good.
*in the future i will post some good sites for resources and materials*
