Monday 8 October 2012

The Good News

 * From the logic (?) Of my former lifelong faith *




As a true believer I find non-believers often just don't understand the message of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. All Christians know this as the Good News and once you understand it I know you will feel the Holy Spirit pulling your heart to Salvation!
So, the simple truth of The Good News:
God created a perfect universe but humanity sinned and so God sent his Son to be brutally executed so that a small percentage of mankind will spend a perfect eternity in heaven while the rest will roast in flames forever! You see now? What good news! I bet you can't wait to worship my God!
So let's go into a few of the little details just in case Satan tries to cause doubt by enticing you to question anything about this Gospel. Always assume it is true or you are sinning and your uncertainty will land you in hell. It is important to question everything else, but never your core faith! Ever!

Here's some answers anyway:
"I know because I have felt God's presence" or the like is always a last ditch explanation for any line of questioning. Even though emotional states have been clearly linked to a host of poor decisions, from investing in scams to groups of people getting worked up into a feral condition until they collectively murder a helpless victim, this one instance is the exception because the bible says so. And we know the bible is really the ultimate authority on everything because God made it. We know He made it because we feel it.

In review:
Feelings = truth (Bible) >
Truth = Bible (God) >
Bible = God (feelings)

This is referred to as circular reasoning and in this case a perfect never ending circle. How divine!
I should also give a quick summery of what you need to know about the Bible. It is the perfect infallible authority on all things. Most of us have no clue as to the various origins of these many ancient texts, how they were collected and bundled, or whether or not they bear evidence of alteration or authorial authenticity. Don't let that fool you! We do believe God wrote it personally but all of this scholarly stuff takes too much time. Just like reading the whole Bible, it's really big. That's what preachers are for anyway. In fact, I've noticed that many self-appointed Bible readers tend to question God and are even lead astray by concerns for things like history or science. So sad. "Paul didn't write this book"? Silly back-slider, his name is printed on the top, what else could there be to know? Now stop studying outside of Sunday school or you'll burn in hell forever.

Let's speed this up (Q&A):
Conflicts in the Bible?
You are blind spiritually.
 
 
Stories from Bible found earlier in other ancient religions?
The devil told the stories before the bible to trick us!
 
 
Church atrocities in the name of God?
Those weren't real Christians.
 
 
Something unexplained that is pleasant?
God
 
 
Something unexplained that sucks?
Satan
 
 
Faith is simple:
  • Never question it
  • Do what you're told
  • Think what you're told
  • Feel what you're told
  • Believe you are dirty
  • Equate your sexuality to guilt
  • Let your desperation drive you back to church for approval
  • Be motivated by fear
  • Reduce doubt by pushing rules on other members
  • Smile, Jesus loves you!
Now you understand The Good news. It's not religion, it's a relationship. Like all good relationships just cling to hope while living in terror of brutal punishment for any perceived disobedience. Gospel truth!
Amen